"Asshat" is the name given to a beast of the goblin kingdom by Socrates of Delveron. The creature, while initially taking the form of a wind elemental, reveals itself to be a very tiny mimic, which Socrates takes as a treasure.


When Asshat is first encountered, it appears as a giant vortex of wind and water that towers over the adventurers. As it is attacked, the vortex shrinks until it is no bigger than the smallest of adventurers. Asshat's second form is revealed to be a very tiny mimic. It appears as a very small treasure chest, no bigger than a die, with a sharp row of fangs. 


Asshat's backstory is set to be revealed in the Goblin Anthology.

Glando and Socrates

See: Glando and Socrates Versus The Goblin King

Asshat appears as a miniboss in Glando and Socrates. The adventurers Glando d'Arby, Socrates of Delveron, and Dantern the littlest lantern golem encounter the vortex as they pass through the goblin sewers. Socrates asks Asshat for his name, but the vortex admits that it does not remember it. Glando angers Asshat by throwing an empty bag at it, triggering a boss fight. In the fight, Dantern is thrown at the wind and shatters against the ceiling. He is revived by Socrates and shattered again. Glando and Socrates repeatedly throw themselves against the vortex as it shrinks in size, until the winds dissipate. Socrates then finds Asshat's true form- a tiny mimic. Socrates bags the mimic and names it Asshat, to the creature's chagrin.


Asshat desires a life of solitude, and is impatient around guests. It is angered when the adventurers wake it from its nap, but does not wish to fight them until it is outwardly attacked. Asshat resents his involuntary travelling companions.

Relationships With Others

Asshat is never seen interacting with anyone, except his captors, whom it despises.


  • Asshat protests the name given to it by Socrates, saying "I don't remember my name, but it certainly wasn't that!" However, Asshat's backstory reveals that its name has in fact always been Asshat.